Wednesday, January 2, 2008

Anonymous


Over the break, I had some fun with a couple of friends back home. My best friend from high school and I got dressed up in our best knickers and took a series of racy pictures in her apartment with the help of her former roommate as photographer. I tied my pal up in Christmas lights, used her as a step stool while I hung some decorations, and watched as she blew significantly sexier smoke rings than I could ever hope to produce. There were many ironies to our little photo shoot, one of the best being that I'd rather submit than dominate any day of the week, but more to the point was that we spent an entire day playing around and being ourselves--but we can't share the results.

In my real life, I work in a totally lame corporate office that does nothing to stimulate me in any way. It's not great, but it pays the bills and means I can go to the doctor without having to promise my firstborn child to pay for the visit. The situation is miserable, sure, but what would be even more miserable would be if I were unemployed. I've worked harder and been paid less, so what I have now is downright luxurious in many ways.

One of the many downsides to the day job is that I have to remain anonymous as a wannabe pin-up. I can't use my real name when I write here, and I can't post any of the pictures I took with my friend. There is a meetup group called New York Pin-Up Photography that I'd love to take part in, but how fair is it to the photographers to tell them that they couldn't do anything with their shots of me, lest the racy photos be discovered by the corporate titans?

I love being in front of a camera--it's the exhibitionist in me, and I get enough encouragement to wonder sometimes if I could make a living at modeling. At an S&M play party many years ago, a fellow party-goer wanted to set me up as a model with a photographer friend of hers, but at the time I was too shy to take her up on it. I went to a wedding last November, and one of the guests who works for Ralph Lauren singled me out from the crowd and commented to the groom that I had just the kind of classic beauty they look for in a Ralph Lauren model. My face is being used as the basis for the main character in an upcoming graphic novel. This I'm okay with, since I can't figure how that would be offensive to the corporation--as opposed to sultry and teasing pinup-style photos.

I'm not sure I could really commit to a full career as a model. I just wish I could do it sometimes, for fun. It would be great to lift the veil I have to wear for the sake of propriety and do all the things I want to do, if only it wouldn't come at such a cost.

4 comments:

Moonshine.Stars said...

i totally understand you conundrum in more ways than one. i'm not exactly camera shy in the right settings, and while i'd love nothing more than to just sit and pose and feel like myself. i feel more often than not that the world expects otherwise from me :P it's one thing to be in the corporate world, another entirely to still be living at your parents house when your college plans failed to empress.
either way it seems that being met with expectations of a certain image, well, it's just not in my nature to rebel. actually it's scary reading your blog how easily i can relate to you, since i'm also into the lifestyle... and well, just one more thing for me to cautious of. :)
i need to run, but look forward to reading more of your blog
<3 Adelaide

Kitty du Vert said...

Adelaide,

College, shmollege! I already feel like I've compromised some part of myself for not giving it all up--all meaning health care, bills, any semblance of responsibility to The Man. Not that you asked for my advice, but I say forget about whatever you feel the world thinks of you--although I know this is far easier said than done.
I look forward to reading your blog as well!

xoxo
KdV.

Moonshine.Stars said...

KdV:
Thanks lovely, it's going to be awhile for me to get it started though, just to warn you :)
if i'm not allowed to be constrained by the conservative community i live in, then i dont think you should let your job completely constrain you either ;) , it's not as if modeling as a pin-up is anything like being a burlesuqe dancer (not to say i wouldnt love to do that too), or for that matter a pornstar. you're merely modeling, if it's remaining anonymous that intrigues you so (as it does me) why not create another persona?
but really, i can't talk there ;) i am working on it though.
<3 Adelaide

katie said...

Maybe you can use an alias? But seriously, how damaging could pinup modeling be to your day job? I say if you can work it out~ go for it! :)

 
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